Amazing!!! We made it to Day 7 Whoop Whoop
Thank you for participating in my 7 Day Self-Kindness Challenge. I hope in some way this has served you well.
In our final day I ask you who is there for you when you need help? Who no matter what can you rely on when the chips are down not only when it’s party time and the champagne is flowing but when shit gets real?
Do you have that friend or group of friends that’s ready to bust the door down when you are snotting and bawling on the bathroom floor in you stained fuzzy pajamas pants and red wine spilled down the top you’ve been wearing inside out for 3 days because hubby left, you lost your job, your parent died, or teenagers are being little aholes by messing up the kitchen you cleaned three times today, won’t clean the room they locked themselves, are now blaring music or something they call music and think you’re stupid.
Call that friend, friends, tribe, nitch, soul sista unicorn, first thank them for being soooooooo very AMAZING!!!! then go do something fun, silly, crazy wonderful that only you two, three, four, five or whatever can do so well!!!
Having a close-knit support group or village is key to your mental health, well-being, longevity and happiness. I think it is great you have a close bond with your partner, significant other but having a close group of people outside of your family and relationship is very important and healthy.
I remember several years ago during a holistic workshop weekend baring my soul that I felt very lonely. I had just met these “strangers” 2 days before but after many soul-searching exercises I felt a kindred with them. As soon as the words were out I started sobbing as it was frightening to share this piece of my soul, this emptiness I had been feeling. On the outside it appeared I had many Facebook friends but none that knew me, the real me or would be there had I encountered that lying on the bathroom floor moment.
Those “strangers” rallied around me and we formed a sisterhood. Since then I have a tribe of beautiful friends that have been there at my darkest times and recently during the worst times of my life after the fire giving me tons of support, letting me talk when I needed or doing something fun to keep me occupied.
One of my very best friends Shelley aka Shell-Dog was one of these beautiful souls who was there for me from the moment we met. We instantly connected while at work then formed an inseparable bond outside of work. She gave me my first nick name BUBBA. We often got together at Paddy’s, a bar in Fort McMurray, AB especially when her favorite the Derina Harvey band came to town. There was no sitting down as we were up jigging for the night with all of our buddies.
Shell-Dog had a huge following and many best friends. She was beautiful inside and out, the life of the party, so genuinely kind, a pure soul and one of my “shiny” people. She literally glowed. We sent each other silly face pics which cracked me up every day. These were the type of pics you would never show anyone except your best friend. No matter where life took us or no matter how busy we got we always picked up right where we left off as though time and distance were an imaginary line. She saw the real me, knew what I was thinking and could call BS on the times when I said I was ok!
On the first Anniversary of the Fort McMurray wildfire May 3, 2017 I sent Shell-Dog a text telling her I was thinking of her and how much I loved her. Our mutual friend Nickole and I were now living in Calgary and decided to get together so we were not alone on that fateful anniversary. Shell-Dog texted that she wished she could be there with us. Mother’s day 2017, I texted her to say I missed her and loved her. Shell-Dog texted back “Happy Mothers Day beautiful! Loves ya right to me heart! ” 9 days later I received a phone call from my friend Teena telling me Shelley was gone. All I remembering saying is gone where??? What she told me in those next few minutes didn’t register with me for some time later. Shell-Dog, my Shelley had taken her own life.
As I type this now the call comes flooding back, along with the tears and the feeling of my heart breaking in two. I’ve talked about this with some close friends and family but not written about it until now. Maybe as time passes I can write about this more. I keep wondering if I had noticed her posts on Facebook had become non-existent or the last few texts had taken longer to answer, if only I had talked to her that day or sent her that silly pic with me in my robe, hair wrapped in a towel with a mud and coffee ground mask on my face I could have saved her. We will never know what truly happened or what she was thinking. She was the last person I would have thought was unhappy. One of the last face times we had she told me how happy she was. Maybe in time I will talk about this more.
So If you are feeling lonely and feel like no one cares just be brave and share how you are feeling. There is always someone there listening and often it’s the person you would have least expected being your strongest supporter. It also takes a friend to be a friend. I know that sounds socliché but it’s true. Pick up the phone, send a text, a message saying hey Bud! it’s been a while! I was thinking about you, let’s go grab a coffee or a drink to catch up on life! Or call me! I am always there for you.