Stop the Waiting

Today as I lay in bed contemplating getting up, I wondered what I should do today. For the past 11 months I have attended a Self-Employment program while creating and developing my business. A year before I had an idea however flailed around trying to figure out what it was and how to start. I worked on market research, a business plan, attended training workshops and networking groups to get my name out there. Many times, I had to remind myself how far I have come but with little clients and income it has been a major struggle.

The fire, loss of our jobs, community and friends, death of my Dad, going through contents insurance, rebuild, death of our dog, my best friend’s suicide, my son’s drug issues, OD, school expulsion and fiasco of the house sale has worn me down.

Throughout it all I continued to work on my business but it’s not working. I post on social media, create videos and have my own website. I created an ad that generated almost 500 views, one ideal client contact and zero appointments. I took on a health and wellness side gig but the interest is not there despite the training and pouring my heart and soul into it. I took on a 2nd side gig meeting and greeting tourists which I love but there are little hours for little pay. I feel like a failure. I used to make almost 6 figures a year, if I needed groceries, clothes, go out for drinks or take a weekend away I never gave it a second thought. It wasn’t always that way. For years we struggled with low paying jobs, having to save up for milk, holding our breath and crossing fingers, praying the debit charge would go through. Today I am lucky if my 2nd gig brings in $125 a month.

Now that the Fort Mac house has sold we have been looking for a house in Calgary. The houses are nice but not quite right. They are not like the Fort Mac house that we loved and with the rebuild it was our dream home. Our Mortgage Broker is also dragging his heels on getting us a pre-approval. More than likely it has to do with only having one income to support the mortgage despite a healthy down payment. I’m trying to keep positive, but it is difficult right now.

So back to the stay in bed dilemma and nothing seems to be working for my businesses right now…

Then I remembered my mother in law’s immaculate personal care home. The aging souls were sitting around waiting for something to happen and in a nursing home at the other end of town my 95-year-old Aunt was lying in bed suffering from dementia, the spark gone from her beautiful eyes.  We do not know what life has in store for us. If we live a long healthy life we will be sitting around waiting for something to happen or waiting to die. By then many of our friends and loved ones have passed on, children and family have moved away or are busy with their own lives.

So rather than lie in bed feeling sorry for myself and waiting for something to happen, I jumped up, got dressed, made my bed and hit the start button on the delicious coffee my amazing partner made for me.

Watch out! She’s Awake! Now She’s Up!

Hear the pounding of her feet on the floor as she takes on the world!


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